neorants

It seems that after a previous suicide attempt had been thwarted by well meaning scientists, Eastern racer snake No. 039 has tried again, and was successful. Ah, Eastern racer snake No. 039, why? WHY? You had so much to live for. I know you felt like you were only a number, but you were so much more than that!

Somone should really open a support group. This isn’t the first incident I’ve seen.

When I was in the 8th grade, I had a science teacher named Ms. Quintana. She was cool, always had interesting stuff to get us engaged in science. She had some garter snakes, and we were allowed to take them out of their terrarium and play with them. Well, as much as you can play with a snake, I suppose.

Anyway, someone got the bright idea to take the snake near the window sill, and the snake wasted no time in leaping from the 3rd-story window. Yes, I said leaping — who says you need legs to leap? See, this kind of bias by all of you leg-centric people is what drives snakes to attempt suicide (and pirates to violence — yarr!).

Now, this was a snake we were talking about, and his brain was roughly the size of a raisin. He didn’t have an understanding of fluid dynamics, nor the role that his mass had in the force he could expect to hit the ground with. His attempt at suicide failed miserably, and he was quickly recovered from the grass below.

I have no doubt he tried again.