neorants

Well, today I have my first dentist appointment since I moved to Louisville. Yes, it has been a year since I’ve seen the dentist. Yes, I know you’re supposed to see the dentist every 6 months for a regular check-up. But I hate dentist appointments, and not for the usual reasons…

The needles don’t bother me all that much, and heck, once you’re past the needle, the drill is child’s play. What really annoys me is that with my dentist, an appointment always went something like this:

Neo: Hi, I’d like to schedule an appointment for a check-up.
Receptionist: OK, when can you come in?
Neo: How about this Friday?
Receptionist: I’m sorry, we’re completely booked then.
Neo: Next Friday then?
Receptionist: Sorry, booked then, too.
Neo: OK, well, what do you have free?
Receptionist: We have a slot open on Tuesday, 3 1/2 weeks from now.
Neo: Ummm… OK I guess. Listen, I know I have a cavity. It’s in my right upper molar, 2nd from the back. I’d like to get it filled then if possible.
Receptionist: Well, let’s just get you in here and have a look then.
Neo: OK.

[ 3 1/2 weeks later ]

Neo: Hi, I’m here for my appointment.
Receptionist: Sure thing, have a seat and I’ll let you know as soon as we’re ready for you.

[ still "having a seat", 45 minutes later, which, by the way, is a half an hour past the scheduled appointment time ]

Receptionist: OK, we’re all set back here!
Dentist: So what seems to be the problem?
Neo: I have a cavity. It’s in my right upper molar, 2nd from the back.
Dentist: Let’s have a look.

[ Dentist pokes and prods mercilessly with his iron hook for about 5 minutes ]

Dentist: Well, you have a cavity.
Neo: Really? You don’t say?
Dentist: Yes. It’s kind of between your teeth. Have you been flossing?
Neo: Yes, every day. [ this is the truth ]
Dentist: I see.

[ Dentist looks at Neo incredulously ]

Neo: I’m serious!
Dentist: Uh-huh.
Neo: Listen, can you just fill it?
Dentist: Sure, we’ll set up an appointment for you.
Neo: What? I’m here right now. Why can’t you just fill it now? I don’t want to take off work again.
Dentist: I’m sorry, we have another patient waiting outside, and we always schedule an exam appointment before a filling is done.
Neo: Ummm… OK. [ then why was it fine to waste an extra half hour with the person before me? ]
Dentist: Just see the receptionist, she’ll get you taken care of.
Neo: I need to scedule a follow-up for a filling.
Receptionist: Let me see what we have available.
Neo: 3 1/2 weeks from now?
Receptionist: Uh-huh. We’ll see you then.

And this, you see, is why I hate the dentist. What should be a quick and painless (if not physically, then at least mentally) procedure is instead drawn out into a marathon 7 week stretch of time spanning two appointments. And don’t even think about getting two fillings in one appointment if by some chance you need them — that sort of thing just doesn’t happen. Maybe I’m just a sucker for instant gratification. I don’t know. Someone really should open up a drive-through dentistry practice. Pull up, stick your head out the window, they numb you up, drill you down, fill you in, and send you on your merry way. That’s the dentist I would like to go to. Fancy adjustable chairs — who needs them? Miniature toilet bowl to spit in — bah. Let me spit out the window.

Now, being accustomed to having a dentist that is always booked up solid, I’m beginning to think I have something new to be concerned about. Because when I found the dentist I plan to go to today, the call went something like this:

Neo: Hi, I chipped a tooth last night, and I’m new to the area so I’m not a patient with any area dentists yet. I know you’re probably booked up, but I’m looking for a dentist that has an opening on short notice.
Receptionist (who was a man, by the way, in a practice run by a woman — is it an unwritten law that receptionists must be the opposite sex of the doctor they work for?): Well, actually… [ Long pause ] Let me check the computer. [ short pause ] We have an opening at 11:00, can you come in then?

Now, I should be thankful I found someone with an opening today, but I have to wonder exactly how good a dentist is whose receptionist knows they aren’t booked up without looking. Oh well, we’ll see how it goes.