neorants

While at the drive thru (I blame public acceptance of this blatant misspelling of “through” on Popeye, by the way) getting breakfast this morning, the woman at the window told me she liked my eyes. I get that a lot, especially at fast food drive thru windows. I’m not sure why that is, but if there is one aspect of my appearance that I’m now confident about, it’s my eyes. Anyway, it’s always nice to start the day off with a compliment.

On may way in to the office, I had my usual staring match with one of the geese that has taken up residence outside our office building, establishing a reign of terror and goose poop over the area. One day he hissed at me, and sort of started at me like he was going to bite, so I yelled at him — our relationship has never been the same since. He maintained eye contact with me the whole time, swiveling a full 180 degrees to do so. Maybe he just liked my eyes. That, or he wanted to gnaw them out of my skull.

I checked my web stats this morning, and noticed that so far this month my online resume has had 1,674 page views. I also learned that 4 people have come to this site by searching for “masturbation story” in a search engine. These people disturb me. As you’d expect, I’m continually being bombarded by lucrative business offers as a result of my resume. In fact, just this morning, I received an opportunity to enter a business arrangement with the wife of a Nigerian government official. I’d tell you more, but I have been asked to keep the matter “extraordinarily confidential.”

So, as you can see, I’m doing very well for myself, and I’m not at all interested in getting an offer to do Perl development on a permanent or contract basis in the Louisville, KY area or via telecommuting. Not at all. Don’t even think of mentioning me to your friend, coworker, or boss.