neorants

If you’ll recall, the other day I was remarking about how evil fish can be. Well, a spokesman for the fish community may have been able to speak on the matter — if he were still alive, that is. According to the BBC: “A fish heading for slaughter in a New York market shouted warnings about the end of the world before it was killed, two fish cutters have claimed.”

The fish, apparently fluent in Hebrew, exclaimed that we all need to account for ourselves because the end is nigh to the first man, a Christian. He then introduced himself as a Hasidic man that had died last year to the second man, a Jew, instructing him to pray and study the Torah. At this point, as any hardworking fish cutter would do when confronted by a scaley evangelist, the Jewish man decided to kill it, but was unsuccessful and injured himself in the process.

Really. I’m not making this up. Now, how the fellow got injured when attempting to kill the fish is anyone’s guess. It’s doubtful, no matter how firm a grasp on language the fish had, that it had any mastery of self defense techniques like karate or tae kwon do. However, the fish’s victory was short-lived for, undaunted by his co-worker’s failure, the first man did successfully kill (and sell) the fish.

Personally, I’m not putting much stock in the fish’s supposed alignment with the forces of good, though. Fish, being inherently evil, would have a propensity to lie if they could speak, after all. I’d sooner believe the first man’s story that the fish was possessed by the devil.

Or possibly channeling Martha Stewart.