neorants

I was just reading an article that reminded me of a tidbit of knowledge I absorbed some time ago that stuck with me (for reasons that will be shortly apparent). Those of you who use laptop computers are probably familiar with the laptops that offer a small, textured, rubber-coated nub in the middle of the keyboard that can be used to control the mouse cursor. Many of you have probably wondered what this thing is called. It’s not a mouse, really, and it’s not a touchpad.

I know I wondered. The tactile sensation that little thing gave was just so unexplainably gratifying. Then, one day, I found out what it was called, and discovered why I, like so many other guys I know, loved it so much. As it turns out, it is named for the very thing it evokes when you use it.

It’s called a nipple.

Seriously. I’m not making this up.

I really recommend that if you don’t own a laptop with a mouse nipple and you frequently use your laptop for business (particularly if you’re regularly surrounded by stodgy, corporate types), that you invest in one as soon as possible. The precise cursor control it will provide is secondary to the more compelling reason to own one, which is this: over time, as you use these things, they begin to become smooth on top and lose their grip. This is a common, understandable, occurrence. They even sell replacement covers for the nipples to ensure good friction and cursor maneuverability. This means that, in the middle of a business presentation, the following can be uttered with a straight face, and without changing topic, as you change your nipple’s cover:

“Just a second, my nipple is slippery.”

It’s the little things that make life fun.